Sunday, August 30, 2009
Connect with the a man, if not other, even the Iron man staying always on the bench, sun or rain, summer or winter always ready to connect with whoever comes. I first looked at him, the Iron man, the man with the big hat and huge fingers, then I was told: smile at me.
My smile is a bit sad.
I have no other man to connect to. Sometimes, if not all the time I do wish I had one, but I usually hide the feeling, even from myself. "At 75 past, what do you want?" Then a tiny voice whispers in me:"but my aunt found someone when she was past 73" and I always did believe I may have that luck too..." The reasonable side of me answers it: "You have so many joys and pleasures in your life now, already!"
Yes, I have.
Only when I met the Iron man and suddenly want to hold his hand and would like him to hold also mine, not only as "one of many" but care, for a few seconds, my heart hurts. I remember my father holding my hands. I remember my lovers holding my hands. My last husband, when he still enjoyed walking holding my hands.
I do not stay long time "there" - I take a good romance and forget all the "real world" around me, a book where every heroine finds always the way to gain his beloved hart and retain it for all her life.
Of course, romances always finish early - do not go farther in the life of the couple.
It is always sweet to dream. Always sweet to hope. Even if only the seconds I hold the Iron man's hand.
Then I stand up and go just a bit farther, and discover that in fact he is a father sitting there and waiting and looking at her small daughter playing near the river. He is not there for me at all. I am not there to meet him. I am there with my friend Klara, on a photo-walk and I forgot to put a memory card in my Canon camera before I came to London bridge and I missed all the photos I thought I did take.
Last time I took so many photos without taking any, in fact, was seven years ago. A year after I separated from my husband, ex now. Just when he remarried. I am happy he did. I am happy alone. Happy alone! Happy alone!
I am not alone. I have family not far. My family who is far keeps contact. I have now a friend with whom I can go to walk. I have blog and photo pots I can meet and walk. I have other speakers who from time to time do listen to me, to whom I listen.
I have all the people of London, Paris, Washington, seaside, countryside, I meet, I look, I photograph and speak to.
I am not alone in the world!