How to be an alien

Between the two world wars, Mikes arrived from Hungary, send by his newspaper from Budapest to London. Because the mounting hitlerism, he remained here and married an English lady. She helped him become more English, yet he looked around with the eyes of an alien.

His first book, How to be an alien, had huge success in Great Britain, his humor was greatly appreciated here.

I have less humor, or not much, but I feel somehow that I do not understand at all English, and most of all its language. When one tells me "all will be arranged" in 24 hours and "we will call you" then I receive only an SM or how it is called text message telling me "sorry for the inconvenience, all is fixed" and then I try: nothing is fixed!

My number, the number I was given as my telephone, is still answered by an unknown man somewhere else, how it is possible that the BT cannt veryfiy that before telling me 'all is well'? And I still cannot make calls. "Sorry we cannt connect you with this number" I am answered at any number I try to dial before even finishing dialing.

I was asked "do you have a tone"? Yes, I have a tone. Then it works, according the people who asked me hundred detailed questions before transferring me from one to the other without forwarding my answers. Then the questions about my problem started again, but with less and less interest and faster and faster speach.

No, finally I had the impression that they think I am enable to use a phone, a normal English phone!

I was promised that until my phone works well, all calls to my number will go to my mobile, but no, they all go to someone I do not know, the same as a few days ago already. Transferring responsibility from one to other, is that the way here, or only at BT?

I was perhaps too tired at the end of the discussions, or the next on line spoke faster or more "British" but I still hoped something will be arranged. Until I got the message "all is arranged, sorry for the inconvenience" and tried out: nothing changed!